9/11

I don't have much to say about this 10th anniversary of 9/11 that has not been said on television and articles everywhere.

I am pretty sure we all remember where we were and what we were doing when we heard of the horrible news. I am also sure that to many, much like myself, it still feels like it happened yesterday.

I just want to take a moment to thank the good Lord for all the heroes that emerged from the tragedy and my heart goes out to the family of those who died.

9/11 should weigh on all our hearts everyday and then maybe we could set aside our own petty differences and get along with one another.

We are all American's under God... we all love strong and deep, so may today be a reminder of bigger things and may we have perspective on what really matters.

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Things are different

It's hard to write when I'm overwhelmed with words and thoughts. 

I got back from Tucson a little over a week ago and I returned home with a different sort of feeling. I can feel the fall in the air and hunting season just on the horizon, but it feels different this year. I think my time in Arizona changed me in a small way. 

I discovered a lot about my family, myself and my friends. Not all the things I discovered were good, but a lot of it was and it left me longing to go back to the Southwest in the near future.

In my short stint in Arizona I discovered that just because your family is your family doesn't mean they have to be friends. I love my family very much, but if they make me feel bad for being me than I want to do a better job surrounding myself with people that love me unconditionally the way I love them.

I discovered I have friends and family that accept me for me and love me and find me interesting (words from a great friend named Eddie) just the way I am. I am going to spend less time with those who make me feel bad or those who are negative and too busy pointing fingers at me to see they have the same flaws they accuse me of having.

I feel a veil has been lifted and all though much ugly has been exposed, there was so much beauty and loyalty exposed too.... and that make me very happy. 

My heart goes out to those I got to know better during my Tucson trip: Sarah and Eric T., Ken S., David D., Crystal D., Pocket and her husband, Tom and Brenda, Becky T., Chris B., Barbara (Tyrel's Aunt), Steve, Marina and their kids, Grandma and pa Turner, Mikey Blackwell, Eddie, Amber and even Robert P. whom I did not get the chance to see- but I still adore, Patricia B.and her family, Kelly L. and her family, Lisa, Paul and Catrina, and Kenny P.      

If you feel you should be on this list, please accept my apology for not including you.           

Jenny I am so sorry we couldn't come see you. You are always on my list of favorite people.

I am not sure if those listed above even know how much I needed their friendship and love, but you helped me get through a very tough time and I will never forget it. Thank you all for being so great to me;)

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The Big Dipper

Earlier tonight, Dean and I were in the jeep driving home from watching a movie with my sister and Tyrel (her husband), when I looked up and noticed the big dipper. I told Dean that the big dipper will always remind me of my dad. He asked why.

I told him of a time many years ago when I lived with my mom after my parent‘s divorce. My mom and I had gotten into another fight and once again I was torn between living with her and my dad. I had called my dad over that night so he would pick me up so I could stay with him.

While I waited for my dad to come, I remember my sister and I crying and holding each other in the hallway. She told me that she loved me and wanted to go with me, but she didn’t know if she wanted stay with mom or go with me to dad’s.

When my dad came, I went outside to meet him. I was upset and still crying. My dad was and still is not good with that sort of stuff, so he directed his attention to the stars. He showed me where the big dipper was and talked about what he knew of other stars that shined above us.

I later connected that conversation with my dad as his way of distracting and helping me through a tough time. It was his way of saying I’m sorry it’s got to be this way and I love you.

Since that night and ‘til my last night on earth, I will always be reminded of my dad when I see that big dipper.

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WHITE KNIGHTS

There's this house down my street on the corner, it looks pretty normal, but then there's this truck parked out toward the main street beside the house, it is not normal.

It has a huge American flag raised in the bed of the truck, then there is a slightly smaller confederate flag also raised in the bed of the truck and then to top it off the bumper has the words WHITE KNIGHTS printed very obvious and big.

I am not 100% sure what the WHITE KNIGHTS means exactly, but I am pretty sure they are trying to make some white power stand.

My question to them is.... if you wanted to make a stand, why would you choose to do it here in North Idaho where almost everybody is white?

Why don't they go to the south side of Tucson where I'm from, and then sport that racist crap to make their stand... let's see how long they last down there where not everybody is white?

I can not stand racism, it's a pet peeve of mine, I dislike racist attitudes, jokes and comments. I got my ass kicked growing up because I was a white girl.  Imagine how bad it would have been if I was racist and sported prejudice paraphernalia, I would have gone from getting beat up to being killed.

I hate seeing that stupid truck, but when I do see it, I think of all my friends and family who are not white and I love them just a little bit more..... every time.

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He did not win

He injured and killed innocent people, but he did not win.

She received a huge warm welcome as she entered the building. I think if we were there we would have all joined in as tears, cheering and clapping filled the floor of the House of Representatives today.

Our prayers have been answered and all though we lost innocent beloved people, we gained a miracle. Her strength and endurance is stronger and bigger than the evil that caused so much devastation last January in Tucson.

He did not win.

Today's Ride

I went riding this afternoon at Liberty Lake ORV Park in Washington. Before I left home, I told Dean where I would be and around when I would be back so he could make phone calls if I did not return.

Dean had said this park was kinda hard, but when I asked him if I could do it, he said "you should be okay". Well I was not okay. It was freakin hard core. I would have really been screwed if there wasn't a really nice guy and his son there to help guide me up the mountain the easiest way (which was not so easy).

When we got to a big junction, they took off and rode and said they would check on me from time to time (which they did) and they said to flag them down if I needed anything. I was so glad to know that there were nice people to help me if needed, since almost all of it was difficult terrain.

So I took a shot in the dark and picked a trail to ride up. I found an easy trail and rode it for a ways and then took other trails that looked easy, but I did get into a couple pickles and had to walk my bike down a few steep, rocky and rutted spots. I'd like to think that if I would have attempted to ride down them, I would have hurt myself pretty bad (this way of thinking helps me to not feel like a wuss for walking the bike down the tough stuff).

There was one trail that had a two foot drop coming off a rock, I was already committed so I went for it. I imagined the front tire diving into the ground and me fling over the handle bars, but it was fine. I rode over it with no problems.

On my way back down about 3 hours later, I ran into a flock of turkeys (that was pretty cool).

The two guys where wrapping things up and getting ready to go home by the time I was done riding. I thanked them and told the dad that he was really helpful because it would have been even more scary if he hadn't of been there.

I almost wonder if the dad and his son were there on that day and time because the Lord was looking out for me.................I'd like to think so.

**I took this picture as I was walking my bike down a stupid steep hill. I tried to make light of how hard it actually was. If you look close you can see sweat beads all over my face... ewww...**

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Please help me

There are a handful of people that I talk bad about. I'm not proud of that fact, I just can't stand these people or what they do, or how they treat me... so I vent and go off for short and long periods of time talking bad about them.

I know people talk bad about me; for example, there is a girl, who hates everything about me and she makes sure that I know it. Therefore, logically I talk bad about her because I feel she is a complete idiot for being so cruel and evil to me.

The point to this blog is that I need help to rise above my bad habits and the people that talk bad about me.I want to be better. I have been praying for a while about it but I think I need more prayer from whom ever may be reading this now.

Please pray that I will not need to talk bad about anyone and that I may speak good things or nothing at all.

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