I will love you anyway

I've loved you for long long time. I have thought of you and imagined what you will become since Dean's big brown eyes came into my life and I knew he was the one for me.

I've loved you for so long, I can't imagine my life without you. It's hard to have patience and wait for you and sometimes I wonder if you will ever come, but I will love you anyway.

I see you in my three nephews and one niece. I see you in their laughter and love for me. I see you in Dean's eyes and personality. I imagine you to be great and special like the four other children in my life.

I have loved you for so long, I am saddened you are not here, but when it's time, I will be here waiting with arms wide open.

I am here, you are there, but I've loved you for a long long time.

The End of The World

According to the news, there are a small group of people who believe tomorrow will be the Apocalypse, the rapture, the Armageddon, the end.

I don't really believe that tomorrow (my nephew's birthday) will be the end, mostly because I believe that when the end is here and Jesus comes back, it will be when we least expect it, "like a thief in the night". Although, you never know...........

My mind says there is no way tomorrow is the end, but my stomach has butterflies. I have a bit of anxiety,  fear that if the Lord does come tomorrow, I will not be ready.

I fear God in the way I feared my parents as a child when I did something wrong. I knew there were consequences for my actions with my parents, just as I know that without mercy and forgiveness there will be consequences for my sins.

I honestly doubt tomorrow is the end, but if it is, I pray for forgiveness and mercy on my soul.

But, if it's not the end, may I live each day as if it were the last and pray more, love more and do more to represent Christ.

I take you with me

When I hunt, I think of my dad because I share his passion and he took me when I was growing up.

When I ride my dirt bike I think of Bobby because he has supported and encouraged me to ride with him.

When I give, I think of my mom because she gives generously.

When I bake, I think of Jolenda because she loves to share her baked goodies.

When I braid my hair, I think of my grandma because she taught me how.

When I buy little gifts for people, I think of Becky, because she has taught me (by example) to take a minute and get someone a little something if you can.

When I loan things out, I think of Tyrel because he has loaned me many things throughout the years and I appreciate all his help.

When I go grocery shopping, I think of Cheryl because she loves to shop for food and cook for others.

Everyday, no matter what I do I take a little bit of everyone I know with me. Thank you all for giving me gifts that last long after the giving.

All I know is that I don't want to go, not yet.

I have a tough time with the thought of dying.

I know older people (older than me and well past 65) that seem to have excepted the fact that they are in or are approaching the winter of their life. I often wonder if it's because they have experienced the death of parents, uncles/aunts, husband/wife, siblings and friends or if they have just excepted the inevitable.

I also wonder if maybe they believe they will get to see their loved ones again, so this helps with the process.

I love the Lord Jesus Christ very much and I want to be with him always... in life and death, but excepting the concept of death is hard for me, as I am sure it is for other people.

Maybe I don't want to go because of all my sins, maybe because I am not sure the Lord will take me, maybe because I feel I have way too much to change and work on to die any time soon..... I don't know exactly.

All I do know is that if I out live my parents, uncles/aunts, husband, brother or sister, and friends, I may become more open minded to dying because I can't imagine life without them.

God's Children

It occurred to me long ago, that we are all God's children.

Therefore, when someone is annoying, selfish, stupid, dumb, delusional, oblivious, rude, mean and basically human.....    

I try to tell myself....

"Jesus loves this person, they are my family in Christ. Jesus loves this person, they are my family in Christ. Jesus loves this person, they are my family in Christ. Jesus loves this person, they are my family in Christ.

again again over and over.

I am still having a problem absorbing this realization, but one day it will click and I will have love, patience and kindness for all God's children.

I have a very small house, but it doesn't leak.

As the rain keeps falling relentlessly, I took a moment this morning to check for leaks in my ceiling. I sighed with relief when I didn't find any.

I remember the old trailer we use to live in as a child and how when it rained hard, the windows and roof would start to leak. As a child, it didn't really bother me much unless the drip was over my bed. As an adult, I think about my parents and the stress they must have felt with every leak, water soaked spot in the carpet and the seeping ceiling from the weight of the accumulating water on the roof.

My parents didn't have much money, but yet we always had a bed to sleep in, food, shelter and lots of toys. They managed to always make sure every holiday was filled with gifts and love. They had their marital issues, but they loved each other and they loved us.

Now, my mom and dad are states away from each other and are living in nice homes that don't leak. They provide love, safety and security for their grand babies and you would never guess that they were poor and stressed over holidays and leaky ceilings.

My brother lives in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife, 2 perfect boys and do not worry about leaky ceilings. My sister is living in a huge house with her gorgeous family in a house that doesn't leak.

My parents made mistakes, but they did their best, and in their situation, getting married and raising kids so young, I am sure I could not have done better. Thanks Mom and Dad for making sure we always had God, a roof over our head and food to eat.

If I didn't grow up in a leaky trailer, I am pretty sure I would not have given a thought about how fortunate I am to live in a house that does not leak and all the security that comes with that simple fact.

Life is hard and I have lots of things to worry about, but I live in a house that doesn't leak.

Let all glory be to God!

You name it, we got it.

Dean pointed out something while Jolenda was giving him a massage yesterday.

He noted that our family has a very diverse range of making a living.

My dad- Assembler / Machine Operator
My mom- House Cleaner / Realtor
My brother- Fabricator / Supervisor / Teacher
My sister- Massage Therapist
Me- Photographer

Then we noticed how even more diverse our family is when we branch out to extended family.

My grandpa- Auto Mechanic  / Carpenter
My grandma- Home Maker / Baby Sitter
My aunt- Secretary
My uncle- Engineer
My uncle- Produce Manager
Two of My uncles- Heavy Equipment Operators
My Aunt- Loan Officer / Manager
My uncle- Machinist
My husband- Truck Driver / Asphalt Laborer
My step mom- Customer Service
My step dad- Law Enforcement / Counselor
My brother in law- Fork Lift Operator
My sister in law- Full Time Student / Future Health Provider

In conclusion: My family could run a small town as long as we wait to get sick and don't need a farmer.